Inspirational stories: Many of us have them but may not even realise how important they truly are or are too modest to shout it from the roof-tops. Successes should be shared and enjoyed, especially when certain hurdles or obstacles have had to be overcome to get there. Your story could help others reach their full potential. For this reason, I wanted to find some truly inspiring people who have a story that needs to be told. Each week I will bring you a different story with a different angle but one that you will just have to read.
Today Rose from Bell and Bear blog talks of how losing a Mum to Cancer affects not only herself but also her children.
Being a Mother without a Mother
This is probably one of the hardest posts I have written. But I want people to know and understand what it’s like to be a mum without a Mother. Yes, I have family, my cousin is practically Mummy number 2 to Bell and Bear. I have my Aunts and Grandmothers too to ask for advice but you know what, as much as I adore them it’s so not the same picking up the phone or popping round to see your own Mum.
Cancer has stolen so much, it’s stolen the connection of my Mum watching me become a Mum myself, of watching her Grandchildren grow and mature, missing my wedding day (but that’s another post!) Having me phone up asking random questions, her offering to take a load of washing or having the children during the day so I can do housework. Missing her watching her grandchildren take their first steps, say their first words, get their first tooth, go off on their first day of school… the list goes on and on.
It’s hard to hear people moan and complain about their own Mums and wishing they would back off and let them bring up their children without any interference. Even though I know I would probably be the same too if my Mum was still here!
Some people say that being a parent changes you and you really don’t know the bond you feel when you have your own children. It’s very hard to comprehend especially when you are Motherless or Fatherless. Each step your child makes, makes you think that someone is missing, someone should be there with you, other than your other half, husband or wife. It should be your mum.
When you’re feeling poorly and you struggle through the day all you really want is to call your Mum up and for her to come straight over and tell you to go to bed and take care of you. Like I said I do have amazing cousins and my Aunts but they work practically 24/7 So it’s very hard to be able to get this type of support all the time. I also feel guilty that my mother in law sees the children weekly and that my Mum is missing out.
The world certainly changes when you’re a Mum. I personally wouldn’t know if it would be easier if Mum was here or not but if yours is still about please don’t leave her out of your children’s lives. You are so lucky, she is offering to help and yes, she may annoy you, buy the children endless amounts of sweets and magazines, clothes you may not like and give them junk food but at least she is there. Let them have the relationship as my two certainly won’t have a relationship with my Mum.
People who haven’t lost a Mum or Dad (I mean this in the nicest of ways obviously!!) really, really do not understand the emotions going through the mind of somebody who has. It doesn’t matter how old you are when you lose your Mum it 100% doesn’t get any easier, the pain may ease but it’s always there and will be the first and last thing you think about each day.
Writing about my experiences as someone who has lost a Mum due to cancer, I hope I can relate to many other parents who have gone through the same journey. Every experience is different. I won’t lie, it wasn’t an easy journey to take and yes, I am still in this mad, crazy world of grief. It certainly isn’t an overnight recovery, it may take many months or many years to get over.
During Mum’s treatment I was always asking “why us?” “why now?” “if there is a God why is he doing this?” “why isn’t there a cure for terminal cancer?” These questions still go around my head but not as often now. At the time I was working part time and my boss was totally amazing – I am not sure what I would have done without her being so flexible as she was. I never thought cancer would win, I always thought there would be some sort of miracle cure or that I would wake up and it was just a dream. Unfortunately, it wasn’t.
I won’t lie it took me ages to write this post I kept deleting it and rewriting it wondering if I could write this and post it. It was in my saved post section for about a week but after I published this I felt like I could write more about my journey as an adult having had a Mum with cancer. I still have really bad days and months but I also have some good months and amazing days, especially now with my beautiful children. The good days are even beginning to weigh out the bad days.
I hope that if you are reading this and have had a similar journey that this may encourage you to talk about it all, to tell others how you feel and not to suffer alone. I have bottled it up for so long but now Bear is asking questions it is getting harder by the day to run away from it. I hope that you too can find the strength and the courage to talk about all you have been through.
My life has changed so much in the last 9 years, I am a stronger person than I was before, I am living in an area which I love, surrounded by family and a group of amazing friends. I have two amazingly beautiful children and two fur babies. I have a bucket list as long as my arm of things I want to do and achieve and experiences I want Bell and Bear to have. I really cannot wait to finish this with them as I have most definitely learnt that life certainly is for living!